“Oh, you hate your job? Why didn’t you say so? There’s a support group for that. It’s called EVERYBODY, and they meet at the bar.” –Drew Carey

“Instead of getting married again, I’m going to find a woman I don’t like and just give her a house,” –Rod Stewart

“The problem with the designated driver program, it’s not a desirable job, but if you ever get sucked into doing it, have fun with it. At the end of the night, drop them off at the wrong house.” –Jeff Foxworthy

“See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only enough blood to run one at a time.” –Robin Williams

“If a woman has to choose between catching a fly ball and saving an infant’s life, she will choose to save the infant’s life without even considering if there is a man on base.” –Dave Barry

“What do people mean when they say the computer went down on them?” –Marilyn Pittman

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